Having worked as a live-in carer for more than five years, I have come across some really demanding, although not necessarily abuse clients. Whenever dealing with the elderly in particular, there are some guidelines that I have found particularly helpful.
I will readily admit that at times I thought I could take no more and I was ready to hand in my resignation and move on, perhaps towards a different line of work.
One of the most important bits of advice I can give, and perhaps the most important one, is to develop a thick skin. It is essential not to let your client's comments and remarks influence you, or, at the very least, you should not show them that you are affected by their negative behaviour.
I can clearly recall an old lady I used to work for. She used to be rather self righteous as she was quite wealthy and educated, and had a high opinion of herself. Frustratingly, she couldn't take any kind of suggestion or advice from me, even though at first she had seemed to be quite impressed by my qualifications. Nevertheless, every time I tried to persuade her to make improvements, for instance her eating habits for her own sake, she would react angrily with comments like: "How dare you contradict me?" or " Who do you think you are?" and so on....you get the idea!
At first, I felt hurt, I have to admit, as I wasn't used to this kind of behavior. All my previous clients had been happy to have me around and very appreciative of my efforts to promote their good health and overall wellbeing. Unfortunately, this person was different. One would think I was trying to hurt her or do her harm, judging by the way she reacted.
It got to the point that, for no apparent reason, she would insult me and even throw objects in my direction. Many people advised me to leave the placement and find someone more easygoing. However, I decided to stay and not shirk my responsibilities, mostly due to the rest of the family being really supportive and reluctant to let me go.
I must say, I haven't regretted it. I gained self respect and the respect of others by facing up to a difficult task. After all, she hadn't been diagnosed with dementia but was only thought to have behavioural issues, and so I have learned to cope with her in due time.
When she was being offensive, I would respond with the best of my manners by being pleasant and polite. She didn't expect that and she expected me to talk back and start an argument with her.
As soon as she realised she couldn't get a bite out of me she just gave up.
As an example of the kind of behavior I had to endure, she might say something like “I think you look quite awful today" to which I would respond, “Thank you, I think you look quite lovely yourself!" It was a lot of fun, because I was able to handle it. In the end I think it was worth it. She finally came to realise that she couldn't have her way with me and gradually she agreed to do as she was told.
My best advice to all of you out there who have a very "difficult" client is to keep your patience and your good manners. The more you insist on being nice, the more you will gain from it. Trust me as I am speaking from experience.
